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Taradise

Written by sdettorre

Replacing a legend is difficult to do. Looking back at some of the more difficult shoes to fill one has to think of Jay Leno taking over for Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show, George Bush following Ronald Reagan as leader of the free world in the late 80s, and Todd Newton filling the gap left by Peter Tomarken on the new version of Press Your Luck. However one should not lose sight of the informational yet party-going eye Brooke Burke gave us on exotic hotspots around the world on E!’s Wild On series. Unfortunately, Brooke is no longer the hostess with the mostess on the channel so they turned to someone who could show the world that she isn’t just a party girl and that she has something interesting and intelligent to say while showcasing some of the world’s most luxurious areas. Since Lindsay Lohan was unavailable they turned to the one person to host their new Wild On series they knew wouldn’t be busy with Hollywood knocking down her door with scripts…Tara Reid. They then aptly named the show Taradise.

In the opening segment Tara is in Greece with her best friend Paris Hilton, her fiancé Paris Latsis and a bunch of his friends. The two BFFs decided to go parasailing over the ocean. While in the air one of them said she felt like Tinkerbell. That’s funny, I don’t think Tinkerbell ever got caught having sex on videotape with Peter Pan or flashed the paparazzi at the premiere of Hook. After watching this little escapade I have come to the conclusion that obscene amounts of wealth are wasted on the stupid. After parasailing, Tara and Paris got on a banana boat, probably not the first “banana” they got on that day if you know what I’m saying. Following all these water activities Tara was telling Paris and the crew that the problem with being famous is that sometimes you don’t want to have your picture taken, like when your makeup’s not done—or when you’re riding a Greek’s banana after a night of Jack Daniels and Mohitos. Whichever, the problems are interchangeable. I wonder if Paris Hilton said to herself, “Now what celebrity friend of mine could I spend time with where the press will see me and where I can start to rehabilitate my image of a partying, slightly easy, heiress who has nothing worthwhile to say.” Then the phone rang and Tara Reid asked her to join her in Greece and her wish was granted. I bet she thanked Tinkerbell.

A side question here. What kind of producers allow the host of their show to single-handedly destroy the show as it’s happening by getting so drunk she can’t see straight, slurs her voice (which I’m pretty sure Tara Reid does throughout the entire show, not just when she’s drunk), hits on random guys and shows the viewers at home nothing about the country she’s in other than dinner tables and dance floors? Imagine if other shows with hosts followed this practice.

Jeopardy
Contestant: Alex, I’ll take Kelly Taylor mishaps for $800.
Alex Trebek (with a distinct smell of Canadian Club on his breath): $800, $800…I could do a lot of things if I had money.

The Apprentice
Donald Trump: Today’s project, teams, is going to be to see how many women you can convince to escort me to one of the more spectacular events in the world…me taking a shower. The losing team must in turn come up with my cover so my wife doesn’t find out.

Back to Taradise. Eventually the camera crews followed her to the dance club of the day she attended. It was here where Tara was blatantly rubbing and gyrating against some Greek guy. She soon thereafter confessed to the camera that although she thought the guy was hot when she tried to talk to him he walked away. Tara chalked it up to the guy being shy and unsure about how to talk to women. The real answer is probably because she smelled like Jamesons and was about as stable as the price of gas these days. Her friend said that when she and Tara went into a club she never saw so much aggressiveness-the grabbing, the touching the screaming-and that was just Tara’s behavior toward the guys.

Tara confessed that by her doing this show people were going to see that she wasn’t just a party girl. To prove this point she’s spent an entire show in Greece and all she’s done is eat, drink, go to clubs, and ride bananas. But who could blame her, it’s not like there’s anything else to do or see in Greece besides the inside of a bar of the walls of a lazy river. It’s not like Greece is the birthplace of modern thought and architecture or anything like that.

Soon after her rejection by the Greek guy Tara tried to explain her faux pax of a few months ago where her breast fell out of her dress for the world to see and she seemed to do nothing about it. She said she took off her coat and in doing so knocked the strap off her shoulder and down came her dress and she really had no idea it happened. That’s probably true. After all, one time I had my sunglasses on in a movie theater and the entire time I thought the screen had a sheath of tint over it. The press should really cut her some slack. Then again, at dinner in Greece she said she thought she’d just have a Greek salad. Now I don’t know this for a fact but I believe in Greece they might just call it a salad.

Watching Taradise is watching the destruction of a one-time promising career right before your eyes. This is the same woman who had memorable roles in great films like American Pie and The Big Lebowski. Now she’s in The Crow: Wicked Prayer. Talk about doing a career 180. Tara Reid is almost 30 years old and parties every night like she’s a sorority girl with what seems like little repercussions unless you look at her increasingly expanding figure. I’m 28 and can’t drink when it’s 100 degrees outside without being hung over for two days. Then again I never had to make a movie with Ashton Kutcher. If I did I might be a bumbling drunk too.

Let me know what you think…tvdinner90210@yahoo.com