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It's Been A While

Written by sdettorre

It has been some time since I last opined in this space. Surely I’ve argued why one show is no good and another should never be missed, but that was in other less comfortable venues, like in the backseat of a Volkswagen. I usually make up some reason for not writing, like I was away on vacation, bowling, learning how to put more top spin on the ball in Tiger Woods Golf, etc. Those were good excuses in the past and they still hold true today. Instead of playing Xbox or watching Season One of the Wire (13 episodes) in a week I could have written something but in my defense over the past few months I’ve been to both Las Vegas and Atlantic City, had my Bachelor Party, celebrated Chrismakkah and New Year’s and turned 30, among other things. Needless to say, a lot has happened since I’ve last contributed to the ’Zoo.

My First Trip To Las Vegas
I had never been to Sin City and my 30th birthday was coming up so as a surprise present for entering my 4th decade of life, the future Mrs. TV Steve took me to Las Vegas. I should mention I tend to get caught up in the excitement of a friendly wager and evidently Las Vegas has a place or two to feed this addiction. I was hoping to see a celebrity or two while there, as long as it wasn’t any one of these people . While I didn’t see any of the three people causing the downfall of American civilization, I did see an actress I recognized from late nights on Cinemax. The fiancé didn’t recognize her but trust me, the girl has been in a movie that was written, cast, shot and edited in a span of 6 days. The other “celebrity” we saw was none other than mid-90’s comedian and AT&T pitchman Carrot Top. Yes ladies the rumors are true, Mr. Top is one jacked dude. But he also wears eyeliner, and not in a cool way like Alice Cooper. Aside from people slightly more famous than me sightings, I lost only $150 at the tables, which should be a minor victory considering my penchant for throwing reason out the window in a room with recycled air, green felt tables and foreigners in tuxedos dealing me cards.

The Conclusion of the Duel
As mentioned in previous columns, MTV is a terrible network that is contributing to making every American under the age of 26 a lesser human being. That aside, their Real World/Road Rules Challenges are one of the best things going on TV. I really can’t explain it either since I generally detest every contestant and don’t watch the Real World or Road Rules anymore. But there’s something about this show that sucks me in. This season, meathead Wes (RW Austin) somehow outsmarted the rest of the guys on the show to weasel his way into the final against Brad (RW San Diego), who needs to learn that unless you’re a left-handed pitcher in the majors, hats are to be worn straight ahead not off to the side. The ladies final featured Svetlana (RW Key West) against fellow Virginian Jodie (Road Rules something). Well Wes beat Brad and Jodie thumped Svetlana (side note: I saw Svetlana at the Tropicana hotel in Atlantic City the following weekend. She’s a lot shorter than expected but she is very easy on the eyes). Just as in every NFL playoff game this year the team I wanted to win lost. By the way, when given the choice of betting on one of the most prolific quarterbacks in NFL history or some gunslinger that learned the position from Steve Spurrier and who on more than occasion this season had a QB rating lower than Kevin Federline’s self-worth, take the stats hero and not this guy .

24
24 is back and more stressful and unbelievable than ever. A nuclear bomb was detonated near Los Angeles right after our hero, Jack Bauer, shot his friend and fellow CTU-er Curtis Manning because Curtis was close to killing someone Jack gave his word to he would protect. Jack takes his word way too seriously. Was he like this in college? I can see it now:

Jack’s friend: Jack, how was that threesome last night with you, that girl who was holding up the house, and a case of Schlitz?

Jack: I don’t want to talk about it

Friend: At least you don’t have to see her again

Jack: I gave her my word I’d call her

Friend: But Jack she’s a deuce, deuce and a half easy and ate the door on her way in

Jack: (Shouting) I gave her my word!!

Anyway, the nuclear fallout apparently is constricted to just the air above the blast zone because the people of greater Los Angeles are out moving along, going in and out of defense zones, reporting on the activities, etc. A little bizarre to say the least. Not to mention Jack’s dad is involved in the triggering of the nuke and his brother it turns out tried to kill Jack last season after he organized President Palmer’s assassination. But now there is another President Palmer, the brother of the slain president who was chief of staff a few years back. New cast members include a guy from Ally McBeal, the actress who played Audrey in Vegas Vacation and the guy who dated Teresa in The OC season one before Ryan may have gotten her pregnant. But the most surreal happening on the new season is a love triangle involving Chloe, also known as the Blind Girl in Road Trip that Stiffler steals a bus from. I can believe a father kills his son to protect his interests, a White House staffer extorts another to resign and a community leader knows how to pickpocket a potential terrorist like he’s been doing it all his life, but a love triangle involving Chloe, now you’ve gone too far 24.

The Wire
I, like many people, have been late to the party on discovering The Wire. I borrowed Season One from a friend of mine and after the first couple episodes passed where they had to introduce everyone, I was hooked. The character development is better than almost any show I’ve ever seen. When Ralphie got killed on The Sopranos I wasn’t nearly as upset as I was when Wallace got murdered by his friends. Sure Ralphie had it coming and no one liked him, but Wallace was a kid caught up in the drug scene who wanted to get out and go back to school. I was legitimately mad that Wallace was killed off. A show hasn’t caused this much emotion in me since Peter didn’t care for Brian’s version of Peanut Butter Jelly Time on Family Guy. I am eagerly looking forward to seasons 2-4, I just need to find the time to watch them all. I do have a honeymoon on the horizon…

It has been some time since I last wrote and I will do my best not to wait 70+ days to pen another. After checking my email and seeing how a great number of my readers hail from across the pond and need me to send money, I’ll be sure to be more frequent from now on.

If you have a comment or would like to solicit me for money to help bring you to America, please email me at tvdinner90210@yahoo.com