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The Sopranos

Written by sdettorre

In most walks of life, people tend to lose a step or two as they get older. Star athletes can’t run as fast or hit the ball as far, employees can’t work 80 hour weeks without being fatigued, and partiers can’t paint the town as red as they used to (except for Keith Richards as long as he stops climbing trees in Fiji).

This aging process, where one loses a step or two, carries over into the world of TV. Some call this phenomenon “Jumping the Shark” but I think we can just stick with getting long in the tooth. Past shows that declined as they got older are Growing Pains (adding a new kid is a sure sign the end is near), Saturday Night Live (when Fred Armisen and Will Forte headline the cast, it might be time to call it quits…or hire a 29 year old writer from Washington, D.C. with enough wit and sarcasm to bring the show back to its glory days – or at least the Colin Quinn era), and Dawson’s Creek (they added a kid, killed the dad and sent the core cast in 4 separate paths…a perfect storm of the aging process). 2006 has its version of the show that should pull a Barry Bonds and just hang it up in 2006 while there is still some dignity left instead of retiring in 2007 with its best days behind it and erasing all doubt of dignity. The show I’m referring to is The Sopranos.

The 6th season of The Sopranos ended with a scene more from a campy Christmas movie than a show built around the mafia. In the past, the show’s seasons ended with the deaths of Tony B. and Big Pussy, the separation of Tony and Carmela and the aftershocks of the “disappearances” of Adriana and Ralphie. This season the show ended with a blank instead of a bang. But much of the season has been that way too so why deviate from the season’s course? Here are some of the issues that remain for the last 6 episodes that will take the show off into the sunset in 2007.

Christopher
After being through so much with Adriana’s betrayal and murder plus his addiction to everything except for eyebrow tweezers, Christopher seemed to be turning his life around. He was made a captain of the family and seemed to be the heir to his uncle Tony of the family. Then he knocked up a nice girl and decided to marry her in Atlantic City. He was producing a movie that combined The Godfather and Saw. Although he couldn’t get Ben Kingsley to play the lead, he did manage to assault a screen legend for a bag of fruit and some tickets to Australia. Over the years Christopher has been loyal to Tony, perhaps his most loyal member. Well like Brutus with Caesar, Christopher turned on Tony and decided to start sleeping with a girl (Julianna Margulies) that Tony desired. By the way, smart move on leaving ER Julianna, how’s that movie career working out, is The Newton Boys II in production yet? On top of sleeping with the apple of Tony’s eye, Christopher is back on drugs, so if Tony doesn’t kill him in a blind rage maybe Uncle Heroin will. Not to mention he has a pregnant wife at home but spends more time with his cumare because as he eloquently stated to Tony and Bobby “The playground is closed and a man has needs”.

Carmela
I equate any story line that involves Carmela to what my friends and I like to call “Lisa Episodes”. Any Simpsons episode that focuses on Lisa is almost always a second-rate episode. This parallels Carmela’s role on The Sopranos. Why was her trip to France focused on? Did the French Ministry of Tourism give David Chase a little envelope of cash to shoot an episode there? Carmela’s constant prodding of Adriana’s “disappearance” to Tony is also dumbfounding. One would think after being married to a mob boss for 20+ years she’d figure out that when people disappear chances are they aren’t spending their days in Fryburg, California in a grey Armani suit telling the neighborhood kids it’s a great day for a mow. Not to mention the irrelevancy of Carmela’s obsession with her spec house. First of all what’s a spec house? And second of all who cares? She should go back to daydreaming about Frurio.

Family War
With Johnny Sack in prison, Phil Leotardo is calling the shots for the New York family. Phil overstepped his bounds by killing Vito, one of Tony’s captains. He killed Vito, the husband of his cousin, because Vito was a closet homosexual who was outed, fled to New Hampshire, fell in love with a volunteer fireman who could make a Johnny Cake like no other and returned to right things with Tony. Phil looked at this as a disgrace to his family and when Tony didn’t move fast enough for his liking, Phil took control. In response Tony blew up one of the New York family’s stores. Phil’s associates think taking Tony out is the proper thing to do now. Phil sandbagged that idea but is open to killing a high-ranking member of the Soprano family. My guess is this means Christopher since Phil wanted to kill him last season to avenge Tony B’s killing of Phil’s brother. Tony was tipped off on the potential killing by a federal agent who enjoys a sandwich or two from Satriale’s. Before a decision could be made Phil had a heart attack and the prognosis isn’t good. If Michael Jackson spent as much time in mental wards, hospitals and jails as these mob bosses do the world would be a better place.

Unfortunately since there was so much time spent in those places and not enough time at the Bada Bing, Satriale’s or any other North Jersey establishment this season the show has fallen on hard times. If The Sopranos maintains its current pace people will start watching another show at 9:00 on Sunday nights. A show that also features an overweight man with a stay-at-home wife and kids that takes place in a small town on the East Coast. If the pending war with the Lupertazzi family will be bloody, just wait for the showdown between Tony Soprano and his new nemesis, Peter Griffin, as The Sopranos vs. Family Guy is set to square off in January 2007.

If you’d like to comment, email me at tvdinner90210@yahoo.com