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The World According to Steve

Written by sdettorre

I must apologize for my recent layoff from writing the column. I have been pretty busy as of late due the fact I recently moved in with my girlfriend. Other than moving I have also spent some time actually reading a book. I know this goes against everything TV Steve stands for but seeing how I have to kill my time in some way by going to and from Washington (where I work) and Virginia (where I now live), I figured why not pick up a collection of words and sentences known as a novel. In the spirit of the book I am currently in the middle of, The World According to Garp, I am going to emulate Garp’s thoughts with those of my own; kind of a world according to Steve. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then John Irving should be blushing.

On 24 how does Jack Bauer stay so cool under such extreme conditions? In this season alone he discovered his friend Michelle was killed by a car bomb. He held his best friend Tony in his arms as he died. Finally he watched Edgar, the lovable CTU employee drop to the ground and pass away from nerve gas that was siphoned through the building. That’s three people Jack was close to who died within a 12 hour span of each other. If I lose my keys or a fantasy baseball match up I’m distraught for days. That being said how does Robo-Cop (aka Henderson) keep getting away from Jack and CTU? He walked right out of the facility after killing Tony (don’t they have security guards at the entrance), he jumped in a getaway car and sped away from a shootout where Jack rescued Evelyn’s daughter (how about shooting out the tires) and he just got away again after blackmailing Jack into giving up the tape implicating President Logan in the day’s events to try to save Audrey, the most worthless character ever on 24. She brings nothing to the table other than replacing Kim Bauer as this season’s Perils of Pauline.

The Sopranos has gotten better each week after the horrible episode when Tony came out of his coma. I would think that the first thing he would have done was confront Uncle Junior for shooting him in the stomach but I’m not David Chase so that didn’t happen. Currently the big story is Vito being outed as a homosexual after being spotted at a gay bar. The fellas denied it at first saying he had a cumare (that’s Italian for mistress, and who says you’ll learn nothing reading this column) so there’s no way he could be gay. But as we later found out Vito hasn’t had sex with his cumare in over a year. I might be wrong about this, but isn’t the sole purpose of having a cumare to have sex with? If Vito wanted to sit around, go to the beach and talk fashion with a woman and not have sex he didn’t have to visit his cumare, he could have just stayed home with his wife. Nonetheless, Vito’s now on the lam in New Hampshire where he thinks the family will never find him and he can make a life for himself. Well Vito, one thing they should have learned on the first day of Good Fella School, the mob will always find you. My hunch is that Vito comes back and Tony welcomes him with open arms only to be stabbed in the back by him after Vito makes a deal with his cousin Phil Leotardo, the man running the New York family while Johnny Sack cries himself to sleep each night while in the pokey. But my predictions have been wrong before, just look at my Final Four brackets.

This next comment has nothing to do with television but is something I still feel needs to be said. What is the deal with these giant sunglasses that is all the rage with the ladies? Unless you have cataracts or glaucoma and are in your 70s or older, sunglasses do not need to look like you’re a member of the X-Men. I know they get this trend from the Holy Triumvirate of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Ashley Simpson but enough is enough. Admiring these three as examples to mold your life after is like looking to the current GOP leadership as a model for running the country in an efficient, well-balanced, controlled spending manner that isn’t filled with cronyism and yes-men.

Along the lines of my last comment, as a life-long Republican I feel it is necessary to make this statement- we need new coaches. Saying the current people in charge are not doing a good job does not make me a bad Republican. If nothing else, it makes me a good one since I put the party before the people in charge, something not done by a majority of those holding positions of power. Homogeneity is not a good thing within the halls of government. To follow the coach theme let me make this example. I am an avid Dallas Cowboys fan. After a few years of watching Dave Campo run the team into the ground with his nice guy attitude and poor in-game management I thought it was time for a new coaching staff. This doesn’t mean I didn’t still live and die with the Cowboys, it just meant that for them to achieve greatness Dave Campo couldn’t be running things anymore. I feel the same way about the current leadership of the Republican Party. Of course this doesn’t mean I want the Washington Redskins (Democrats) running things either.

So that is a brief insight into some of the things that make up the world according to Steve. If you’d like to know what I think on whatever I didn’t mention or have an issue with something I did mention, you can reach me at 1-900-Mix-a-lot and kick them nasty thoughts.

But if you can’t pay for a 900 number, try tvdinner90210@yahoo.com.