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The Pick-Up Artist
Written by sdettorre
I really don’t know how some shows get past the pitch, let alone on TV. Most of these shows are reality in nature and end up on one of 4 channels: VH1, MTV, E!, or Bravo. Granted I do like some of these reality shows, namely any Real World/Road Rules Challenge and Rock of Love. But most of the programming on these channels is terrible. Next, Real Housewives, the reality show about a gym, etc are a terrible waste of time.
Two and a Half Men
Written by sdettorre
It takes a big person to admit when they’ve made a mistake. Politicians rarely do it unless they get caught in which case they can’t make amends fast enough. Umpires never admit they were wrong even if video footage proves otherwise. But since I’m not running for office or doing my best Enrico Palazzo impersonation, I can freely admit I was wrong on a TV show I ridiculed in the past. I have seen the light and can safely say that Two and a Half Men is one of the best shows on television.
I Love Money
Written by sdettorre
Like another 30+ year old who made his return this week, I decided to return to writing a somewhat regular column about the world of television, except unlike Brett Favre’s return, I didn’t send text messages to ESPN reporters or make an entire country view me as the most annoying non-story since HBO started advertising for the return of Entourage.
Rock of Love
Written by sdettorre
As previously mentioned in this space, I have a lot of pride for my hometown area. I went to high school with the all-time Jeopardy champion as well as the most recent Bachelor. Professional golfer and former U.S. Open champion Jim Furyk is also an alumnus of my high school. Our 15th, and possibly worst, President James Buchannan hails from my neck of the woods. Sports, politics, and academics are well represented by the citizens of Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
The Sopranos Series Finale
Written by sdettorre
Just like everyone else I’ve experience a fair share of disappointments in my 30 years on Earth. There was my Senior Prom, where I put something on that night for the first time in my life, but sadly it was made of Woorsted Wool, had a bow tie and vest, and needed to be returned the following day and was not made of latex and sold by Trojan. Another disappointment happened in 1997 when my beloved Baltimore Orioles became the first team to lead their division from Opening Day to the end of the year, also known as wire to wire, and not make the World Series, losing to the Indians in the ALCS. Since that Fall the team hasn’t sniffed the playoffs. Living in Boston for three years was, like My Blue Heaven’s Vincent Antonelli seeing his uncle dead on the floor Christmas morning with no red bicycle, a disappointment on many levels and one that will some day be addressed in therapy.
The Inferno 3
Written by sdettorre
Certain things in life are said to be certain. Thanks to MTV, and that’s not a phrase that one says everyday, their series of The Real World/Road Rules Challenge in its various forms (Duel, Inferno) being television gold is as certain as death and taxes. The latest installment, The Inferno 3, is no different.
HBO Sunday Night
Written by sdettorre
Anticipation is a curious thing. Sometimes the buildup to an event is more fulfilling than the actual event. Other times, when very little expectation is present, the happening is a pleasant surprise. These characteristics hold true in the television world as well. Everyone was on the edge of their seats waiting for the series finale of Seinfeld only to be disappointed. Conversely no one gave Friday Night Lights a chance this season but it has turned out to be an enjoyable surprise. This past weekend expectation was high for two shows resuming their runs on HBO, The Sopranos and Entourage. Sadly only one was worth price of admission.
The Bachelor
Written by sdettorre
Lancaster, Pennsylvania is home to many great aspects of Americana. It was the capital of the United States for one day on September 27, 1777. James Buchanan, the 15th president of the United States, resided there until his death, and of course the Amish make the town one of the top tourist destinations in the country.
The OC Series Finale
Written by sdettorre
A little less than a year ago I ended a three year relationship in this very space. It was a difficult conversation but I broke up with The OC in May. They say that time heals all wounds so come September I decided to sit down and talk with Summer, Ryan and the gang to see if maybe all we needed was a few months apart. Well whoever said time heals all wounds is probably the same guy who said popped collars is a good look or is the same girl who said she’s never done this type of thing before. The point being it was a lie. While season 4 of The OC had some interesting plotlines and story developments, once it was announced the show was cancelled, the show got a good look at the shark tank as it leaped over the water.
It's Been A While
Written by sdettorre
It has been some time since I last opined in this space. Surely I’ve argued why one show is no good and another should never be missed, but that was in other less comfortable venues, like in the backseat of a Volkswagen. I usually make up some reason for not writing, like I was away on vacation, bowling, learning how to put more top spin on the ball in Tiger Woods Golf, etc. Those were good excuses in the past and they still hold true today. Instead of playing Xbox or watching Season One of the Wire (13 episodes) in a week I could have written something but in my defense over the past few months I’ve been to both Las Vegas and Atlantic City, had my Bachelor Party, celebrated Chrismakkah and New Year’s and turned 30, among other things. Needless to say, a lot has happened since I’ve last contributed to the ’Zoo.
Real World Denver
Written by sdettorre
18 is a momentous birthday in America. The list of things you can do when you’re 18 that you can’t do when you’re 17 is long and exhaustive. People can vote for their elected representatives. Young men have to register with the Selective Service. High school students can legally have sex with their teachers. Finally it is usually in the 18th year of life that American teens head off to college and we all know what happens there. College is a training ground for learning how to handle, and not handle, one’s alcoholic intake. It also is usually the first time someone lives with people they aren’t related to. Lastly, college is most likely where today’s youth has its first experiences with the opposite sex (Well maybe not today’s youth but the youth when I was young). And what better show to celebrate, and emulate, the 18th year of life than MTV’s Real World, which turns 18 seasons old in the Mile High City of Denver, Colorado.
Real Time With Bill Maher
Written by sdettorre
With this being Election Season cable news shows are brimming with roundtable discussions, pundits from both sides of the aisle and Geraldo. Will the Democrats win the 15 seats they need to take over the House? Will the GOP be able to retain control of the Senate? Will Rita Cosby start speaking like a woman? These are the questions that are prevalent this time of year. Being that I live in Virginia I get to decide who to vote for between a guy who has racially insensitive terms magically appear to him and his opponent who authors novels where some of the lines make you wonder if he has some deep rooted issues or just an active imagination .
Heroes
Written by sdettorre
When someone says the word hero a few things come to mind. If you’re from Philadelphia you don’t think of Batman, but rather a piece of bread, preferably a roll of some kind, stuffed with meats, lettuce, tomato, dressing, pickles and a lot of other stuff. But for the most part a hero is defined as “a person noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose, especially one who has risked or sacrificed his or her life.” Along with Spiderman, George Washington and Rodney Dangerfield, the list of Heroes now includes a group of people who star in a show by the same name on NBC.
The Tao of Steve
Written by sdettorre
It has been some time since my last entry. They don’t call August the dog days of summer for nothing folks. I needed a little down time to recharge the ol’ battery. That and watch TV, go to movies and draft three fantasy football teams all the while preparing for my real life activities of softball and bowling. But over the last month or so I’ve had time to sit back and watch some television and observe the ongoing destruction of society led by Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and the rest of the modern MTV-generation. That is the generation that has never seen a video on the network. To get back in the swing of things I’m going to touch on a few issues rather than devote an entire column to one show.
TV Playboys
Written by sdettorre
As a recently engaged man I am learning that a lot of compromise is involved in planning a life together, and also a wedding. Issues such as where to get married, how many people to invite, what kind of cake (I’d like an ice cream cake), and so on require lots of discussion time and splitting differences to come to a mutual decision. One other issue that has come to the forefront is what to watch on Sunday nights. I enjoy the FOX lineup of cartoons except for King of the Hill, Entourage, Sunday Night Baseball and maybe a replay of Meet the Press.
Weeds
Written by sdettorre
Many products in America are awful with the exception of one aspect of it. Eating dark chocolate is worse than drinking gasoline, except for Junior Mints. Kramer said it best when he said “Who’s gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It’s chocolate, it’s peppermint—it’s delicious.” Junior Mints aren’t the only anomaly of its main component. In my opinion Bob Dylan is one of the most overrated musicians of the last 50 years. His music sounds like someone is slowly speaking with a mouth full of oatmeal. He’s a less articulate version of Mush Mouth from Fat Albert. However, Hurricane is one of the greatest songs ever written. If all of Dylan’s songs were as good as Hurricane “one time he could-a been the champion of the world”.
World Series of Pop Culture
Written by sdettorre
Over the past few years there has been a rise in shows called the World Series of… This began with the World Series of Poker. Since that phenomena took off it triggered a domino effect where these days high school kids make more money playing cards than their parents do at work. ESPN decided to add on to this “World Series” craze by recently airing a program called the World Series of Darts. Before you know it there might be the World Series of Eating Beer Nuts or better yet the World Series of Air Hockey, which I would actually watch if ESPN didn’t air it since ESPN is the C. Montgomery Burns of cable television. Who else would have an award show just so Chris Berman could take his shtick on the road to find more leather to be with?
A Tribute To Aaron Spelling
Written by sdettorre
I just returned from a great vacation to Florida. The weather was fantastic, in the low 90s and sunny everyday. I couldn’t have picked a better week to leave Washington, D.C. since evidently Noah decided Mount Ararat wasn’t working out and wanted to see how the Mid-Atlantic could handle some rain. While the weather was outstanding and a good time was had by all in the Sunshine State, there was a moment of sadness when I learned one of the great icons of the television medium had passed away.
Lucky Louie
Written by sdettorre
Sometimes people make discoveries when they were actually looking for something else. The examples throughout humankind are endless. Christopher Columbus, while sailing the Atlantic for an easier path to India, discovered the New World. All an 11-year-old Frank Epperson wanted was a drink of soda water powder and water but he forgot about it overnight on his porch and the next morning the world’s first Popsicle was sampled. Scott Howard, thinking he had to be the Wolf to get the beautiful Pamela Wells to fall for him, discovered Boof was really the one for him (much to Stiles’s dismay). Finally, I recently sat down for the 3rd season premiere for HBO’s Entourage and discovered, through sheer laziness in not changing the channel after Entourage ended, the funniest blue-collar comedy since Married With Children went off the air. Let me introduce you to my Boof, Lucky Louie.
The Sopranos
Written by sdettorre
In most walks of life, people tend to lose a step or two as they get older. Star athletes can’t run as fast or hit the ball as far, employees can’t work 80 hour weeks without being fatigued, and partiers can’t paint the town as red as they used to (except for Keith Richards as long as he stops climbing trees in Fiji).
The OC Season III Finale
Written by sdettorre
To quote the 1970s super group The Carpenters, “They say that breakin’ up is hard to do, now I know, I know that it’s true. Don’t say that this is the end, instead of breakin’ up I wish that we were makin’ up again.” While this song was penned for couples who no longer wish to date each other, it can also apply to a long affair that needs to see its end. This was a relationship full of intrigue, crushes, sorrow and of course a catchy theme song. However just like Brad and Jen, Charlie and Denise, and Justin and Britney, my 3 year love affair with The OC has come to a tearful, emotional, and regretful end.
NBC Thursday Night Finales
Written by sdettorre
It’s that time of year again. No I’m not talking about Britney Spears being pregnant or American Idol narrowing down its playing field, I’m talking about something much more serious. I’m talking about waste management people…and that affects the whole damn planet, which is why I’m here to announce my candidacy for Sanitation Commissioner. Either that or talk about what time of year it really is, the time for TV series’ season finales.
Deal or No Deal
Written by sdettorre
When thinking about what one likes to watch on TV, several different genres come to mind. Comedies (Seinfeld, The Office), dramas (24, NYPD Blue), teen programming (The OC, Beverly Hills 90210), mysteries (Perry Mason, CSI), and the biggest boon of them all- reality TV shows (Survivor, The Real World), among others I’m leaving out. However there is one genre that is often overlooked when flipping through the channels, and there’s even a channel based entirely on this type of program. Of course I am referring to the television game show.
The World According to Steve
Written by sdettorre
I must apologize for my recent layoff from writing the column. I have been pretty busy as of late due the fact I recently moved in with my girlfriend. Other than moving I have also spent some time actually reading a book. I know this goes against everything TV Steve stands for but seeing how I have to kill my time in some way by going to and from Washington (where I work) and Virginia (where I now live), I figured why not pick up a collection of words and sentences known as a novel. In the spirit of the book I am currently in the middle of, The World According to Garp, I am going to emulate Garp’s thoughts with those of my own; kind of a world according to Steve. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then John Irving should be blushing.
Mixed Bag
Written by sdettorre
With the Sweeps in full effect, or so it seems, nearly every show is running new episodes in hope of pulling in viewers to get them the all-important Nielsen ratings. Since I really only watch a handful of shows on a religious basis, the observation about all shows being new episodes really only relates to the ones I’ve been watching. But just like the saying if a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a noise, I ask you if Courting Alex airs a new episode and no one watches it, did it really happen? Here are some observations and re-caps of the shows I’ve been tuning in to.
ESPN
Written by sdettorre
This week’s entry is a story of a television relationship gone bad as opposed to one that never had a chance, like me and According to Jim. This love affair, while completely one-sided, has lasted for well over 20 years and marks some of the more important moments of my maturation from a shy, awkward adolescent into the uniquely funny and charming man you read from time to time.
Deep Thoughts
Written by sdettorre
Seeing how the Olympics are on and delaying the airing of new and exciting episodes of a few of my favorite shows (The OC, My Name Is Earl, The Office, etc.) I figured this lapse in new episodes would allow me the chance to toss out some random thoughts the hamster in my head produces by keeping that wheel spinning.
American Idol
Written by sdettorre
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last 4 years you know all too well about the reality television juggernaut that is American Idol. When I think of the term American Idol I think of figures that are viewed upon in American history as icons. Such “Idols” that come to mind include George Washington, Willie Mays, Abraham Lincoln, Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Lucille Ball and Johnny Carson. The kinds of people that don’t come to mind are average Americans who can sing pretty well and unless their last name is Clarkson, will be back at their old jobs in some part of the country that is vastly different from Hollywood three years from now.
24 Season Five
Written by sdettorre
There are few things in life that I eagerly count down the days towards. The beginning of the NFL and Major League Baseball seasons, Thanksgiving, and the start of summer are just a few. However, due to the FOX network’s constant teasing over the past month or so I think another annual occurrence has to be added to the list. Say hello to reason number 3,947 that television is the greatest invention of all-time, the season-premiere of 24.
Emily's Reasons Why Not
Written by sdettorre
Like Lewis and Clark did hundreds of years ago I am venturing into unchartered lands. That’s right ladies, I have a serious girlfriend. I’ve learned a lot about relationships since we’ve been dating and I’m sure she’s learned a lot too. Maybe not about relationships but she can now explain to you the humor of a talking monkey and the edge of your seat anticipation of the teen drama thanks to this guy. One thing I have learned during our relationship has been that for every episode of Entourage, Arrested Development and 24 I make her watch I have to do the same with the Food Network, Wife Swap and recently Emily’s Reasons Why Not. While I can handle Giada De Laurentiis showing me how to make an Italian dish and two opposite families swapping wives (I even wrote on the show on Feb. 8, 2005, check the archives), Emily’s Reasons Why Not will not get another viewing from me. For this column I figured why not give you TV Steve’s Reasons Why Not to watch Emily’s Reasons Why Not.
American Dad
Written by sdettorre
After taking some time off for the holiday season to travel to Pennsylvania and New Orleans, but still watching a good amount of television, I’ve had a chance to think about things. And as any regular reader of this column can testify to, that’s never a good thing.
The Gauntlet II
Written by sdettorre
Adapting to the real world is difficult. Figuring out what to do with your life after college has many decisions that need to be made. What kind of job do you want? Where do you want to live? How much money is the least you can afford to live on? And if you’re single, where can you enjoy your early to mid 20s the most? The average college grad has to make this decision within a few months of receiving his/her diploma. My colleague The Northern Belle does a masterful job of letting us in on her experiences in this exciting yet uncertain part of life. However, there are a select few that are somehow putting off any semblance of a practical life by returning season after season on MTV’s Real World/Road Rules Challenge.
Freddie
Written by sdettorre
Some people have the knack of turning whatever they touch into a success. King Midas had this power by turning everything he touched into gold. Run DMC even mentioned it in their song Peter Piper. NFL coach Bill Parcells turns every team he runs into a winner. He’s done it in New York twice, New England and Dallas. Run DMC didn’t write a song about him though. Finally Dennis Farina has the same touch in the entertainment industry. The man who played Ray Bones in Get Shorty has also had integral roles (and memorable lines) in Out of Sight, Snatch, Empire Falls and Law & Order.
Hot Properties
Written by sdettorre
For about two years now women have been clamoring for something new to come along, something to take their minds off of losing the one thing that was so dear to them that no matter what was happening in their lives they could rely on this event like clockwork to make them feel better. I think I’ve done my part with weekly observations based on loose research and an endless knowledge of inane information to help ease the pain of losing Sex and the City. However women like something dependable and rock solid that can be relied upon for knowledge, humor and advice on all things from dating, make-up and finances. I can handle the humor but I’ll leave the knowledge and advice to the ladies of Hot Properties, ABC’s attempt to make Sex and the City into something HBO never could…worth watching.
50th Column
Written by sdettorre
A little more than a year ago I began writing this column. Since I claim to watch more TV than anyone else, and prove it by writing on shows no one else would watch like Fire Me Please and Dinner For Five, I have only missed a few weeks due to various reasons such as writer fatigue, computer failure, and developing a claw from overworking the remote control. As a result of missing only a few weeks over the past year this week’s column is my 50th. The number 50 holds a lot of clout in our society. There are 50 states in the U.S. Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore apparently had 50 first dates in a movie I never saw. There isn’t a $49 bill or a $51 bill, but a $50 bill. And Curtis Jackson is also known as Fifty Cent, not Quarter, Dime or Spare Change. In light of writing my 50th column, this week’s effort will be 25 various political, sports and of course pop culture observations along with some other things that have been on my mind. I’m not listing 50 because not even I have that much time, but if you want to read it twice feel free.
How I Met Your Mother
Written by sdettorre
Everyone has a story as to how their parents met each other. Usually one learns this as a child out of curiosity as to how the people that gave him/her life crossed paths. Television has tackled this theme in the past in individual episodes or as a minor theme. Al Bundy met Peggy Weinker at Polk High on Married With Children. Cliff Huxtable also met Clair Hanks in high school on The Cosby Show. And Michael Taylor met Joey Harris at a paternity hearing on My Two Dads. However no show, at least to my endless knowledge, has ever focused solely on the meeting of parents. That is until CBS filled its 8:30 Monday night timeslot with How I Met Your Mother.
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Written by sdettorre
I’ve rarely had the opportunity to write a report on my favorite issue of a particular subject. Generally I was assigned a time frame by a teacher and selected an individual from the chosen era. Examples include term papers on Edgar Allan Poe in 11th grade, the Dust Bowl in my junior year college seminar on the Old West and the history of hazing for an Education Law course I took while serving a 3 year sentence called law school in the Alcatraz of American cities Boston, Massachusetts. However the stars have finally aligned and I’ve reached the one assignment I’ve been waiting for since I learned Johnny Carson is much easier to fall asleep listening to than some lullaby or bedtime story that doesn’t have the smooth musical sounds of Doc Severinsen. I know everyone reading this is excited, but just Curb Your Enthusiasm, sit back and enjoy the ride.
Everybody Hates Chris
Written by sdettorre
Everyone at some point in his or her life goes through an awkward developmental stage where you are unsure about everything in your life. Your voice cracks when the gym teacher is taking role, you are thoroughly embarrassed by everything your parents do, suddenly when you let your arms hang freely it looks like you have a troll in a headlock, and the girl who lived down the street from you goes from cootie-filled to filling out a sweater. This awkward time is known as puberty/junior high and there have been a number of TV shows centered around coming of age kids, most notably The Wonder Years of the late 80s-early 90s. UPN realized it’s been much too long since a good adolescent comedy was on the air and green-lighted Everybody Hates Chris.
The New Fall Season
Written by sdettorre
My apologies once again for not writing a complete column on a new show but between work picking up the pace, the NFL season kicking into high gear, my fall bowling league beginning and me drinking myself to the point of falling asleep at a local bar, this has been a pretty hectic week. Needless to say, I haven’t forgotten my loyal readers and have been keeping a keen eye on the season/series premieres of several shows thanks to the wonder that is DVR.
NBC Tuesday Night
Written by sdettorre
Oftentimes when someone is out of the public view for a while people forget about them. A few examples of this are Buddy from Charles In Charge played by Willie Aames, former President Gerald Ford and talk show host Ricki Lake. But it’s not only people who at one time were stars and eventually fade into oblivion, it happens to networks as well. NBC used to be the home of sitcoms and primetime comedies. Shows such as The Cosby Show, Cheers, ALF, Seinfeld, Friends, Night Court and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air were all Peacock property and dominated the genre for years. What was the competition? Major Dad? Evening Shade? Dharma and Greg? A fire hydrant has a better chance against a dog than those shows had against the NBC juggernaut.
Random Thoughts
Written by sdettorre
Given the weekend I just had where I made a nice donation to the good people of Atlantic City and got very little sleep while celebrating a friend’s walk off the trail of bachelorhood, this week’s column will be a collection of random thoughts and observations I have about a variety of issues, mostly related to television and pop culture, but you never know what else might sneak in.
Hotline
Written by sdettorre
Over the past few months I’ve received a few requests for the topic of a future column. I’ve also received a tremendous amount of positive feedback from my running dialogue column of a few weeks ago on Laguna Beach. It worked for Almond Joy with coconut and chocolate, meat eaters with surf and turf and gin with tonic, so why not combine two fan favorites into one and make everyone happy with a running dialogue on a Cinemax After Dark show? I should say that if you are easily offended and think this type of show isn’t for you then don’t read on and go back to manning the AV club or watching the 700 Club because nothing obscene or far-fetched is ever said by the leader of that program.
Taradise
Written by sdettorre
Replacing a legend is difficult to do. Looking back at some of the more difficult shoes to fill one has to think of Jay Leno taking over for Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show, George Bush following Ronald Reagan as leader of the free world in the late 80s, and Todd Newton filling the gap left by Peter Tomarken on the new version of Press Your Luck. However one should not lose sight of the informational yet party-going eye Brooke Burke gave us on exotic hotspots around the world on E!’s Wild On series. Unfortunately, Brooke is no longer the hostess with the mostess on the channel so they turned to someone who could show the world that she isn’t just a party girl and that she has something interesting and intelligent to say while showcasing some of the world’s most luxurious areas. Since Lindsay Lohan was unavailable they turned to the one person to host their new Wild On series they knew wouldn’t be busy with Hollywood knocking down her door with scripts…Tara Reid. They then aptly named the show Taradise.
Tommy Lee Goes To College
Written by sdettorre
The 1980s produced icons of several different walks of life. Politics had Ronald Reagan, pro football had Walter Payton, the sitcom had two—The Cosby Show and Cheers, and Glam Rock had Motley Crue. Without Motley Crue a whole generation would have never heard the song Smokin’ In The Boys Room. There wouldn’t have been a Behind The Music where we learned that you could shoot Jack Daniels directly into your arm instead of going the more conventional route of drinking it. Finally, there wouldn’t have been a way for one of the most famous rock drummers to build a career of extra-curricular activities like hard drinking, womanizing, earning absurd amounts of money and spending time in jail to include on a college application so he could one day attend an institute of higher learning. The real question posed in Tommy Lee Goes to College is who is really teaching who?
The Girls Next Door
Written by sdettorre
Neighbors play an important role in both life and on television. Every TV show has a crazy neighbor. Three’s Company had the Ropers, Home Improvement had Wilson, The Simpsons have the Flanders, Seinfeld had Kramer and so on. Growing up you have the neighbors your parents would trust leaving you with if they had to run out and you had a group of kids you played with after school. You also probably had that one neighbor your parents told you to never go near, you know the one who walked under an umbrella when the sun was out, had a pet llama and was always getting arrested for supplying Jesus Juice to neighborhood kids. But never, and I mean never, has anyone ever had neighbors like the ones featured in The E! Channel’s new show The Girls Next Door.
Hooking Up
Written by sdettorre
There’s a not-so-new craze spreading across this great land of ours. Millions of people have been logging on to the Internet over the past few years and putting themselves out there into the on-line dating world. Everyone knows of at least one person who’s tried this form of meeting people, probably with varying degrees of success. ABC, not being one to let any stone go unturned in trying to make a TV show, got swept up in the on-line dating fever. The only cure was to make a show documenting 11 women living in New York as they navigated their way on-line towards finding “The One” on Hooking Up.
Laguna Beach Season II
Written by sdettorre
With blogs being a popular craze these days and with everyone wanting to know what everyone else is thinking about this instant, this week’s column will take on a blog approach while I watch the season premiere of the second season of MTV’s Laguna Beach. When we last saw LC, Trey, and Stephen, the gang of seniors from Laguna High were leaving home for various destinations while Kristin, Talon and the juniors were rising seniors. And as was made perfectly clear in the girls’ hazing rituals in Dazed Confused, Seniors, Seniors, Seniors are the best…Seniors, Seniors, S-E-N-I-O-R-S. Now let’s see what these rich spoiled kids have been up to for the last 6 months.
Hogan Knows Best
Written by sdettorre
As a kid I had a few role models who I looked up to and tried to emulate. Eddie Murray, Walter Payton and Rocky were a few of them. But one figure who I copied more than others was the man who beat up Rocky in Rocky III while dressed in powder blue tights, surrounded by beautiful women, and who went by the name Thunderlips. This is the same man who inspired me to say my prayers, eat my vitamins, be a real American while fighting for the rights of every man, and wear red and yellow boas while tearing my shirt off from the back. 20 years ago Hulk Hogan knew best, and now thanks to Vh1, he can show that he still does.
Hogan Knows Best
Written by sdettorre
As a kid I had a few role models who I looked up to and tried to emulate. Eddie Murray, Walter Payton and Rocky were a few of them. But one figure who I copied more than others was the man who beat up Rocky in Rocky III while dressed in powder blue tights, surrounded by beautiful women, and who went by the name Thunderlips. This is the same man who inspired me to say my prayers, eat my vitamins, be a real American while fighting for the rights of every man, and wear red and yellow boas while tearing my shirt off from the back. 20 years ago Hulk Hogan knew best, and now thanks to Vh1, he can show that he still does.
Being Bobby Brown
Written by sdettorre
A few years back there was movie made by Spike Jonze called Being John Malkovich. Spike Jones is also known for directing a few of The Beasties Boys videos. In the movie John Cusak discovered a portal into John Malkovich head where for 15 minutes he could see, hear, and feel whatever the actor was doing before falling out by the New Jersey Turnpike. The Bravo Channel took this idea, slightly tweaked it, got rid of the portal into a human head and came up with the show Being Bobby Brown. And the former member of the original boy band New Edition leads a much more interesting life than dear old Johnnie M.
Growing Up Gotti
Written by sdettorre
When one thinks of the best moms on TV-the ones who exemplify the maternal instinct and mother’s intuition-the names that come to mind are Edith Bunker, Carol Brady, and Peg Bundy. Well ladies there’s a new sheriff in the town of Mom-ville, and if anyone crosses her she probably knows one or two fellas who could enforce her rule since she grew up witnessing whacks, hits, offs and jobs and she seems to have turned out just fine. But only time will tell for John, Carmine, and Frank if Growing Up Gotti is any different under the rule of Victoria than that of crime boss John Gotti.
Real World Austin
Written by sdettorre
I didn’t think it could happen. I thought Philadelphia killed the MTV franchise but then I turned on my TV and heard those 36 words that have been broadcast into American homes for 15 years now. “This is the true story of seven strangers picked to live in a loft and have their lives taped. Find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real. The Real World: Austin.”
TV Weddings
Written by sdettorre
With summer starting last week we have turned the corner from spring and are staring down the barrel of one of America’s most time-honored enterprises—the wedding season. I have been to two already this year and have three more to go. For you young kids out there reading this and think friends’ weddings are far off, well guess again. They sneak up on you like bad reality show and before you know it you’re 28 years old and wondering which of your friends will have kids first. But since this is a column on TV and not on how to acquire the nickname ‘Wedding Linebacker’, I am going to list my top 5 TV weddings, or episodes surrounding a wedding.
Fire Me Please
Written by sdettorre
Everyone has had a job at some point in their life that they hate. Some of you reading this right now might currently be in one of those jobs. Wouldn’t it be great if you could do your best to get fired and not have to worry about where your next paycheck was coming from? The network execs at CBS took this idea that people don’t want to work and think it’s easier to get fired instead of hired, and coupled it with a little competition and $25,000 and came up with TV’s newest reality show, Fire Me Please.
Entourage
Written by sdettorre
People commonly say that they wish their life was a TV show. Or put in simpler terms, feel their life is so wild, crazy and funny that it should be on TV. Well a word to those people…your life is not that wild, crazy and or funny that it should be on TV or else it would be. There’s enough crap on the tube to make way for your life if it were worth watching. However, one person’s life that was that wild, crazy, and funny that is now a TV show was the early stages of the acting career of Mark Marky Mark Wahlberg being depicted on HBO’s Entourage. Too bad the show isn’t about his youth and battling his brother Donnie for most laughable white rapper. NKOTB vs. Good Vibrations. Eminem vs. Papa Doc had nothing on that fraternal battle.
The Simpsons
Written by sdettorre
This past weekend was my 10 year high school reunion. A lot has changed for this guy since I received my diploma a decade ago. While some things have remained the same as they ever were. I didn’t hit that 8’ growth spurt I was hoping for that would turn me into a budding NBA star, so I’m still walking through life at 5’10’ and when standing between my brother and father look like I’m standing in a hole. I am no longer afraid to talk to girls, at least not as afraid. In high school if a pretty girl looked my way or asked me for answers to last night’s homework I would turn bright red and stammer my way through whatever I said. And now when a pretty girl talks to me, I take another shot of Jack and stammer through whatever it is I’m trying to say. The only difference is this time I black out from alcohol and not from nervous teenage awkwardness when it comes to the ladies.
Desperate Housewives Season Review
Written by sdettorre
With May coming to an end, that means the TV season is winding down. From now until September, viewers will be relegated to watching re-runs and sub par summer premieres no one expects to be any good. However, at least one season finale lived up to its billing and wrapped up the entire season while leaving the viewer wanting more for season number two. One thing viewers of a new hit on ABC won’t be is looking for this summer is answers to its rookie season, but they may be anticipating its sophomore season even more. One could say these viewers may even be desperate.
The O.C. Season Review
Written by sdettorre
It started with a foreshadowing and continued with a mid-season review. This column, along with the second season of The OC, has come full circle. When we last left those crazy kids from Newport Marissa was a budding lesbian, Sandy was considering having an affair with a long lost love and Seth and Summer were being held apart by a comic book reading water polo player named Zack. So much has changed, yet so much has stayed the same. Unfortunately the same doesn’t include Alex, the bait shop drink slinger. The final episode brought together a few story lines and added a new, unbelievable twist that won’t be solved until November 2005.
Mailbag
Written by sdettorre
Drumroll please…the much-awaited TV Dinner mailbag, delivered by two of TV’s greatest postal employees, Cliff Claven and Newman.
The Office
Written by sdettorre
Since this country’s inception we have taken things from our British ancestors and made them better. It doesn’t take a lot of thought to rattle off a few examples. For instance they serve beer warm, we serve the same beer but cold. Advantage U.S. They were searching for something to explore and thought the high seas were suitable, we were searching for something new to explore and went to the moon (and found out it wasn’t made of cheese…or spare ribs; but if it was, would you eat it?) Advantage U.S. Finally, the British came up with a TV show about the standard wasted day in an office. Well can anyone waste a day at work like Americans? No chance. So NBC decided to improve upon the British version, and much like cold beer and space exploration, Americans took the British model of The Office and made it better.
There have been some incredible foursomes over the years.
Written by sdettorre
Quartets such as the NCAA Final Four, the cast of Seinfeld, and even the Fantastic Four come to mind. However, the four remaining contestants on season three of The Apprentice are non-sequiter to the aforementioned foursomes. Four novice golfers make a better foursome than the remaining wannabe Trumps.
Love Lounge
Written by sdettorre
Reality stars, washed up actors and C-list celebrities have a difficult time relinquishing the spotlight and accepting the fact their 15 minutes are over. But thanks to channels like Vh1 these people can stretch those fifteen minutes out by appearing as panelists on shows like I Love the 80s, Best Week Ever and the subject of this week’s column, Love Lounge.
Dog The Bounty Hunter
Written by sdettorre
To people born before 1985, or 1977 like myself, the word bounty hunter evokes thoughts of one image and one image only, that of Boba Fett from the Star Wars movies. However, thanks to the A&E network finally trying to expand its programming to something other than Biography, Boba Fett might have a run for the title of most recognizable bounty hunter from Dog of Dog the Bounty Hunter.
Blind Date
Written by sdettorre
We’ve all been on them. Some are good and develop into long-term relationships or marriage. Others are not so good and end in knowing someone new that you absolutely hate and would rather see Ashton Kutcher named the next James Bond, completely ruining the franchise, than see again. Of course I am talking about blind dates. And since everyone has been on at least one, unless your friends think you aren’t worth introducing to someone new, we can all identify with the show I’ll be reviewing this week, Blind Date.
Michael Jackson
Written by sdettorre
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last year or so, you know that the self-proclaimed King of Pop Michael Jackson is on trial for molesting a child who idolized him several years ago. Unlike the OJ Simpson trial of the mid-1990s, this trial is closed off to all media. No cameras are allowed in the courtroom, thus CNN, MSNBC and FOX have to go outside the journalism box and actually report on this crazy thing called the news. This also means that attorneys looking to give up law and become a television legal analyst, like Greta Van Susteren did with the OJ trial, have to wait for the next celebrity trial to show off their skills. Unless they are asked to sit on the panel of E!’s Re-enactment of the Michael Jackson Trial.
The Contender
Written by sdettorre
After getting beaten to the punch by other networks in the battle for reality shows such as American Idol, Survivor, Wife Swap, and The Amazing Race, NBC probably looked at itself in the mirror and thought about the famous Marlon Brando line from On The Waterfront and said to itself, “I coulda been a contender”. Then NBC said wait a minute, why don’t we create a show called The Contender where people tryout for a remake of On The Waterfront? Thankfully cooler heads prevailed and NBC made The Contender about boxing.
Arrested Development
Posted by sdettorre
Everyone thinks that his or her family should be on TV. Whether it’s because their family is particularly funny, unbelievably dysfunctional, or just because they want to be famous, a lot of people think their families are 2005’s version of the Bunkers, Seavers, Bundys or Tanners. Unfortunately for these families that mantle has already been passed to the Bluths of Arrested Development.
Arrested Development follows the daily ins and outs of the Bluth family. This season’s plot centers around the legal troubles of the patriarch of the family, George Bluth, played by Jeffrey Tambor, after he escaped from prison for Enron-level corruption of his company. While he was in the pokey, his wife began an affair, or rekindled one, with George’s brother Oscar. Oscar is probably the father of Buster, one of the four Bluth children. The other Bluth children are Michael, Gob and Lindsay. Michael, played by the star of Teen Wolf Too Jason Bateman, has a son named George Michael who is in love with his cousin Maeby, a teenager who somehow has a job with a major motion picture company. Maeby’s parents are Lindsay and Tobias, played by Portia de Rossi and David Cross. They are in the midst of experimenting with an open relationship. If this doesn’t send their daughter into therapy down the road, nothing will. Lindsay has tried to hook up with everyone from a private investigator to an apparent homeless man to a 19-year-old high school senior. Tobias, instead of trying to meet new women, decided to paint his whole body blue and try out as an extra for the Blue Man Group. But he has bigger underlying issues than wanting to be a grown up Smurf. Gob thinks he is running the company George torpedoed but he knows as much about business as Ben Affleck knows about choosing movie roles. But the truth is that Michael is running things while getting advice from his fugitive father, who is hiding out in the Bluth’s attic without most of his family knowing about it.
The show has a few recurring jokes that have been present throughout this season. George Michael has a girlfriend named Anne. As much as Michael tried to like his son’s love interest, he just couldn’t. Michael made his son get glasses because he thought George Michael’s vision was poor because he thought Anne was pretty. He also left her in Mexico (accidentally) when she tagged along on a search for the escaped George. Buster is an 8 year old trapped in a mid-30s body and was enlisted in the Army by his own mother. This enlistment happened when, in a spoof on Fahrenheit 911, Mrs. Bluth was asked if she would sign her own son up for the military by a Michael Moore imposter. And she did. But he was recently maimed by a seal wearing a bow tie and lost his hand. The seal had a bow tie on, not because it was a Tucker Carlson fan, but because Gob dressed him up in one while he was attempting to become a magician. Gob’s magic career, and the seal trick, ended with ugly results. Another recurrence is that the head of the Bluth legal team is none other than Henry Winkler. Fonzie isn’t what one would call a good attorney. Let’s just say that if he represented OJ, the Juice would be bartering cigarettes for safety instead of playing 36 holes a day.
The reason the Bluths need Fonzie’s help is because of George’s ties to Saddam Hussein along with a few other corporate misdeeds. The Bluth family is in the business of construction. Saddam’s palaces didn’t build themselves and the government is investigating George’s company for aiding a tyrant. Since George is on the lam after breaking out of jail, Michael’s neck is on the line. As much as he hates his father he just can’t serve him up to avoid going to jail himself. So even in the most dysfunctional of families, a son’s loyalty to his father can’t be breached.
It should also be mentioned that Ron Howard is the narrator of the show, much like Daniel Stern told the story on The Wonder Years. How do you think Fonzie got the role of the attorney? It certainly wasn’t on his acting chops from his post Happy Days career. It’s possible that Ron Howard, unlike Henry Winkler, has never made a bad career choice. From the time he was 6 years old as Opie on The Andy Griffith Show he has made good move after good move. Just a sampling of his career catalog is Happy Days, Splash, and A Beautiful Mind. Do you really think the director of Parenthood would choose poorly in which projects to get involved in? Neither do I.
Arrested Development is a great show. It has a little bit of everything a comedy could hope for. Unfortunately, too many people are watching Cold Case and that Ritalin-deprived host on Extreme Makeover Sunday nights at 8:30. FOX, the same network that thought Quintuplets was a good idea for a show, has already cut Arrested Development from 22 to 18 shows this season. If the show is cancelled, Arrested Development will rival Susan Keats (Brandon Walsh’s girlfriend on 90210, played by Emma Caulfield) as greatness that was with us far too briefly when superstardom seemed eminent. For those of us who can take a good joke and appreciate good writing, Arrested Development is a great option to end a weekend in which you may have offended someone at a local watering hole the night before. So join me in trying to save Arrested Development by going to http://www.petitiononline.com/Arrested/petition.html and signing a petition to save the show and keeping at least 30 more minutes a week reality-TV free.
CommentBest Week Ever
Written by sdettorre
VH1 is the king of TV networks that focuses on the mundane, trivial, and tedious aspects of decades, weeks and washed up celebrities hanging on to their careers, or what’s left of them. Best Week Ever is a weekly account of nonsensical information and ridiculous tangents. In case you haven’t noticed, so is this column. So why fight fate and put off a review of Best Week Ever? Seth and Summer couldn’t fight fate this week on The OC, and now neither will I.
The Real World
Written by sdettorre
As MTV’s Real World turns fifteen with the Philadelphia cast, I think a look back, and forward, is in order for the longest running reality show on the air.
Scrubs
Posted by sdettorre
Scrubs is a good show
Scrubs is a show that can get a laugh from me
Hanging out on Tuesday nights
And that ain’t right
Trying to win an Em-my
Scrubs has been on TV for a few years now but it doesn’t receive its proper due as one of the better shows on television. NBC changes its mind more often about where to place Scrubs than Paris Hilton does about boyfriends. When will TV execs learn that when a show is good you let it thrive and not try to bump it for something like The Biggest Loser.
Scrubs has been on TV since 2001. Unfortunately, people seem to forget that it’s on. This is understandable given the amount of quality television on Tuesday nights, like According to Jim and George Lopez. Or as I like to call them, the Sacco and Vanzetti of television.
Now not everyone likes shows that take place in hospitals, myself included. But Scrubs is not a medical show, but a comedy that happens to mostly take place in a hospital. It stars Zach Braff (Garden State) as Dr. John ‘J.D.’ Dorian. Also in the mix are Donald Faison (Clueless, Remember the Titans) and John C. McGinley (any Oliver Stone movie). Braff, Faison and a character named Elliot are three main doctors who are in their residency at Sacred Heart hospital. Braff is an insecure doctor who tries too hard to gain his mentor’s (McGinley) approval. Faison is a self-assured surgeon in training and is also Braff’s best friend. Elliot is a somewhat lovelorn med who has tried to date patients of hers in the past. But she means well and gains some sympathy from the viewers in that you really hope things work out for her.
The best character on the show is McGinley who plays Doctor Cox. His addition to the cast was similar to when Heather Locklear joined Melrose Place. Good show beforehand but the new character really takes it to the next level. As the centerpiece of all the characters he provides a give and take with each personality that wasn’t there before. He tells Braff that he’s a pinhead, Elliot that she’ll find love and Faison how to bet the money line in this week’s games. The point is that he relates to each of the three main characters in three separate ways. This is similar to how Amanda slept with Billy, seduced Jake and got under Allison’s skin in three different ways.
Scrubs is a funny show that has characters the viewer can relate to. Everyone at some point in their life tried to impress someone who seemed unable to be impressed, wanted to be in a relationship when they weren’t, or were so sure of themselves about something they were good at that it was almost too good to be true. It’s not a sitcom so there’s no forced laugh track that comes with any comedy on ABC. (Because let’s be honest, who in their right mind could laugh during My Wife & Kids)
There are side characters that have important roles to show’s dynamic as well. Like the Janitor whose joy in life is to make Dr. Dorian’s life hell. There’s also Ted, who plays Smithers to the chief doctor’s (Dr. Kelso) Mr. Burns. He always contemplates suicide but can never seem to pull it off, and disappointingly goes back to being Dr. Kelso’s whipping boy.
Unlike TLC wanting No Scrubs a few years ago, I want Scrubs around. And America should watch these Scrubs more than it does or else TLC will get its wish and Scrubs will be no more.
Scrubs is a good show
Scrubs is a show that can get a laugh from me
Hanging out on Tuesday nights
And that ain’t right
Trying to win an Em-my
OC Mid-Season Review
Written by sdettorre
When I started this charade a few months ago I introduced you to the dementia that is my love of television by writing about the upcoming season of The OC. Well we’re about halfway through the sophomore season and there have been unforeseeable plot changes and a variety of new characters. So strap on your seatbelts because California here we come.
Wife Swap
Posted by sdettorre
Robert Frost has a well-known poem titled “The Road Less Traveled? in which he debates the moments in life when one comes a fork in the road and has to decide which road to take. Hindsight is always 20/20 when you look back and wonder which road you should have taken. ABC took this what-if philosophy and applied it to the show Wife Swap.
The rules of Wife Swap are pretty simple. Two families are selected from somewhere in America to swap wives. Not surprisingly, the families are about as similar as Balki Bartokomous and Cousin Larry Appleton were on Perfect Strangers. ABC swaps women from Jewish and Catholic families, white-collar and blue-collar families, and African-American and white families, among other matches. The women are swapped for two weeks. During the first week the new wife must abide by all the rules that were in place before she arrived. The second week allows for the new wife to implement the rules she uses with her own family. This is where the strict vs. pushover, religious vs. non-religious, and other differing characteristics come into play.
One episode swapped a strict, by-the-book mom with an easy-going mom whose kids walked all over her. The mom who went to the family where the kids were orderly, responsible, respectful, and did their chores was amazed that children actually helped out around the house. Of course her kids back home received $100 a week for allowance. Think about that for a second. $100 a week for a 21 year old and an 18 year old who still live at home in Mississippi. No offense to anyone from Mississippi but I imagine $100 goes a lot further there than it does in Washington, D.C. If you do a cost of living adjustment we’re probably looking at the equivalent of $250 in DC. Anyway you view it, if you’re giving your kids $100 a week for allowance (and the kids did no chores, this was just money for the hell of it) you either have one of those trees in your backyard that grows money on it or you are providing your children with a false appreciation for the value of a dollar.
I wonder if when it was time for the pushover mom to leave the kids who did chores and helped out around the house she secretly wanted to stay. Let’s see here, go back to a house where her kids walked all over her, did nothing around the house, slept until 11 every day and were school drop-outs or stay with a family where the garbage is taken out, the kids are in school and have goals, do chores without being expected compensation for it and are respectful. Except for the whole sharing of DNA and maternal emotions, why would she go back to being treated like a second class citizen by her own blood? At least maybe extend her stay to make her own family realize she isn’t their employee.
Watching Wife Swap makes you realize what kind of parents you have and how their child rearing helped mold you into the person you are today. For example, in the same episode mentioned above, one of the children of the laid-back mom was forced to spend four hours on her homework by the swapped mom. The girl looked into the camera and said, “Have I ever done schoolwork for four hours in one day? No.Ôø?? Makes you wonder how a person with that kind of drive of ambition was a high school dropout who was also failing home schooling. Whereas the kids whose strict mom made them do their homework and instilled a desire to go to college have ambitions to go to Harvard, Princeton, or Yale. Who’s method do you think is better?
An anonymous person narrates Wife Swap. I think a better idea would be to have a host who has been married many, many times. Who knows the different ways people live with one another other than those who have been married 8 times? Donald Trump is an option, although he’s still a little busy asking people like Mr. T and Tony Danza why Kelly should be picked over Jennifer as the next Apprentice. Or how about Elizabeth Taylor? She’s been married more times than Henry VIII.
Another way to spice up the show, and maybe even invite a few more viewers, would be to swap celebrity couples. Everyone would watch this. Imagine if Danny DeVito swapped Rhea Perlman for Catherine Zeta Jones with Michael Douglas. Just to see Danny DeVito walking down the street with CZJ alone is worth it. How about if Nick Lachey traded Jessica Simpson to Tom Hanks for Rita Wilson for two weeks? Tom could ask Jessica what she thinks of his Oscars and she could reply by asking where Oscar’s trashcan was. And Nick could ask Rita what she thought of his 98 Degrees days and she would answer by saying “You were in a band?Ôø??
All in all, Wife Swap isn’t a bad show. It’s basically a reality TV Aesop’s Fable because two separate families learn something about themselves, and life, after experiencing something new.
Kind of like finding out on a Sunday morning what you did on a Saturday night you might not remember all too well. But it’s better not to travel down that road too often.
Comment [1]Apprentice 3
Written by sdettorre
Guess who’s back, back again? The Donald’s back. Tell a friend. Guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back.
24
Written by sdettorre
I will watch anything once. But it takes a little something for a show to have me watch it again and make it part of my weekly can’t miss lineup. Shows that I don’t miss include The Simpsons, Arrested Development, and The OC, among others of course. After missing the first two seasons for reasons I now regret, last year 24 cracked into the big leagues and won’t be going back to the minors anytime soon.
The Real World/Road Rules Challenge
Posted by sdettorre
Everyone likes to see the cream of the crop compete to determine the true top dog. This holds true in several different arenas. Professional athletics have all-star games, politics have elections, breweries have taste tests and perhaps most importantly, MTV has the Real World/Road Rules Challenge.
The Real World/Road Rules Challenge has been cast in two forms throughout its illustrious history. Usually the Real World All-Stars take on the Road Rules All-Stars for a large payday. Each week only one person is sent home making the final challenge a match-up of uneven teams. But sometimes, like in the current season, the Real World and Road Rules teams are combined into men against women, a “Battle of the Sexes” if you will, in a series of tasks where one person from each team gets voted off each week, regardless of the outcome of the week’s challenge.
In the past this show has been a very entertaining. While this season’s show has had some high points, I wish MTV would have spiced it up a little more and tweaked their tasks to make them actual challenges for this group of meatheads and drama queens. The cast is comprised mostly of lifers. Don’t these people do anything besides live off 15 minutes of stardom? And they seem to take everything so seriously. One girl was so furious at her teammates and wanted to show them her desire that she claimed she slept in her jersey. Does the mean she’s committed or has bad hygiene? Maybe it means she should be committed. Could you imagine showing up at work in a suit, getting yelled at by your boss and your only argument is “I slept in my suit. I was ready to perform today”? But this is the “Real World” here so I guess that reasoning flies. Eric from the Grind is back at it. That’s like Deion Sanders trying to make a comeback in the NFL or Jason Alexander starring in another post-Seinfeld sitcom. Wait a second.
This show needs changes and a whole new cast. There should be a rule that if you’ve had more face time on MTV in the past year than actual videos you can’t be cast on the show. I think The Miz (Mike RW NYC II) has been on MTV more this year than Jessica Simpson. Here some other changes that I would like to see for future challenges.
The Host
Olympic skier Jonny Moseley hosts the show this season and has hosted before. Freestyle biker Dave Mirra, doing his best Jeff Probst impersonation, has also hosted. But instead of some extreme sport has-been wouldn’t it be great if the host was someone who couldn’t relate to the mostly 20-somethings cast? I would almost pay money to see Jerry Stiller host in his role as Frank Costanza. Or how funny would it be if Soprano Paulie Walnuts came out to the Gauntlet wearing a wristband on his forearm and giant aviator sunglasses in an attempt to connect with some putz named Abram. If you can think of any good hosts too, let me know.
The Challenges
Any one of these knuckle-head cast members can eat something vomit-inducing like cow brain or dark chocolate or can perform such physical tests as hanging from a heavy bag or completing a ropes course. Most of them are in good shape for the physical challenges and will do anything “Fear Factor-esque” to win the raunchy tasks. But how about instead of trying to melt a block of ice with their bodies or spit chicken feed into a chute, these “Real Worlders” try to test their skills in a job interview where the team that gets the most team members hired wins the challenge? I’d like to see these following exchanges:
Interviewer: “How would you handle a situation where you and a co-worker had a disagreement?”
Coral (RW NY II and alpha female, intimidates everyone around her): “I would tell that bitch to back her ass off. I am here to get paid and if she gets in my way then she’s walking out here with Coral tracks on her back”.
Interviewer: “Sometimes incidents occur in the office where you need to use your mediation skills to come to a compromise while working with a group…how do you see yourself handling a situation like that?”
CT (RW Paris and belligerent drunk): “Well if no one agreed with me, I would work them dog, I would work…them”.
Interviewer: Sometimes in this job people skills are more important than business skills. How strong do you feel in your abilities to make the customer feel at ease?”
Tonya (RW Chicago and good time girl): “How are these for abilities?” (As she flashes the interviewer)
Other challenges that would be interesting to see would be balancing a checkbook, financing the purchase of a car, or trying to find an apartment in an overpriced city (Washington, D.C. for example).
The RW/RR challenge is an amusing show, and has been for a long time now. However, with the same people always returning it makes me think that when the cast says they really need the prize money what they really mean is that they need a better financial advisor. That being said, who wouldn’t take off 10 weeks from whatever their real job might be to take a shot at the money, party all the time and live in some resort all on MTV’s dime? I know I would. Except to get on the Real World or Road Rules in the first place you have to be under 24 years old. Because as we all know, college is what living in the real world is like.
If you believe that I have a screen door I want to sell you for your submarine.
CommentWho's Your Daddy
Written by sdettorre
Throughout the history of television adoption has been a central issue in several shows. How would Mr. Drummond ease Arnold and Willis Jackson’s transition from Harlem to a New York penthouse? Or how about the way George took Punky Brewster into his life when she needed him most? Finally, Steve Sanders needed to know who his real parents were even though he loved Samantha and Rush Sanders as his own, so he traveled from Beverly Hills to New Mexico to find the truth. FOX (the same network that brought us The Littlest Groom) decided it was time to take television’s infatuation with adoption and mesh it with America’s love affair with reality TV in Who’s Your Daddy?
Dinner For Five
Written by sdettorre
A question that is often asked, or thought about at least, is “if you could have dinner with any five people, who would they be?” Mitch Albom even wrote a book loosely based on this idea called The Five People You Meet in Heaven. The good people at IFC went the more direct route and green lighted a show called Dinner For Five.
Top 5 guest stars on 90210
Posted by sdettorre
In the past I’ve written that Beverly Hills 90210 is the best teen/college/young adult drama in the history of TV. Not just any show can have its cast be anywhere from 17-45 years old in real life and make you believe they are high school students. But names such as Priestly, Carteris, Garth and of course Ziering were so believable as students at West Beverly that they made you think it was normal for a high school junior to have hair plugs and wrinkles.
90210 made the careers of its cast. Whether or not the cast did anything since is a different story but without 90210 on their resumes, a majority of the cast would probably be known for other not so prestigious shows such as Our House, Sister Kate and Aaron Spelling’s daughter. But 90210 was also the beginning, or ending, for several other actors. For this edition of TV Dinner I’m going to list the top 5 guest stars on the show. Some are obscure references and others are notable TV personalities who got one of their breaks on the show with the most famous zip code in America. Without further ado:
5. Brooke Theiss as Leslie Sumner
While she isn’t the most memorable character, Leslie Sumner was the co-ed who began rushing Kelly and Donna for her sorority. Had Kelly and Donna not pledged that sorority, who knows how different their college experience would have been. The mixers with the KEG house probably wouldn’t have happened nor would all the community service they did. And I doubt Donna would have had the resume to be chosen the Rose Bowl Parade centerpiece. You may also know Brooke Theiss as Wendy Lubbock from Just the 10 of Us. She is the blonde older sister who teamed up with Jamie Lunar (Melrose Place) to make Coach and Mrs. Lubbock’s life a constant worry. Brooke Theiss made the list because I don’t think she’s done anything else since this episode of 90210 and I feel a little sympathy for her.
4. Brook Langton as Suds Lipton
We all remember the episode of 90210 where Brenda is interviewed by some trashy TV magazine called Back Story to let the world in on the secret lives of rich kids from Beverly Hills. Of course the piece is aired and the gang gets miffed at Brenda for selling them out. Not only did she sell them out, but she did it on the eve of the SATs. I think this is the only test they took in their 7 years at West Beverly High. Anyway, Brenda’s interview was taken out of context and in the end the gang kissed and made up. But Suds Lipton found the moral high ground and quit her job as lead reporter for Back Story. Suds makes the list because she’s in Swingers, one of the best movies ever made. In Swingers she played Nickie, the girl Mikey gets digits from and then proceeds to call and call and call on the night he got the number. It’s one of the more painful scenes to watch in cinema history. So let’s get some more olives for our new friend here.
3. Kari Wuhrer as Ariel Hunter
There are two reasons why Kari Wuhrer makes the list. The first is that she was on Remote Control with Ken Ober and Colin Quinn. Remote Control was also where a pre-SNL Adam Sandler got a chance to show off his talents. So don’t shrug it off as some dumb MTV show before considering all the facts. The second reason Kari Wuhrer is here is that her character of Ariel was the girl who promised to take struggling musician David Silver to the top while she spent time down under with him as well. It’s well documented that David Silver and Donna Martin were a celibate couple for a long time. David was a budding rock star and future burnout and he needed a release since Donna wasn’t providing it for him. So he turned to a hot junior record executive for a little tearing of the V card. As angry as Donna was when she burst into that limo and caught her beau and his mistress in the throws of passion she recovered pretty quickly. Just a few short years later she was Mrs. David Silver.
2. Matthew Perry as Roger Azarian
90210 wasn’t the first show this future Friend and gazillionaire appeared on. On Growing Pains he played Sandy, Carol’s boyfriend who gets killed in an automobile accident. On 90210, Roger was a classmate that Brandon befriended. But Chandler, I mean Roger, hated his father and his tyrannical parenting. So much so that he wanted to kill himself or his father, maybe both. This character is reminiscent of the guy in Dead Poet’s Society who kills himself because of his oppressive father (played a pre-That 70s Show Red Foreman). I guess before Matthew Perry got type-casted as a quirky neurotic he was type-casted as a troubled youth who either dies or wants to die in teen television shows.
1. Leslie Bega as Marianne Moore
The only reason Leslie Bega is the number one guest star is because she was there in the beginning. In the first episode of 90210 she was the girl who had the party where the gang got to hang out for the first time. You remember this party. It’s the one where Steve got drunk and David and Scott had to drive him home and in doing so damaged Steve’s Corvette. Well, Marianne Moore liked Brandon and they had a real heart to heart in a hot tub (haven’t we all). Nothing happened but Brandon went and told the whole school he and Marianne got to know each other in a more than words kind of way. Marianne found out and never talked to Brandon again. Interesting enough, she also never appeared on 90210 again. But she has appeared on a few things you might have seen. She was Maria on Head of the Class (side question; who was a better Mr. Moore: Howard Hesseman or Billy Connolly? I say HH). She was also Valentina La Paz on The Sopranos. This is the woman who commissioned the painting of Tony and Pie-o-My, dated Ralphie and then became Tony’s mistress until she caught on fire making him eggs.
This list of guest stars isn’t a laundry list of who’s who in Hollywood. But it is a group of people that for one show added to the cast of the greatest teen drama in all of television.
CommentMy Big Fat Obnoxious Boss
Written by sdettorre
Remember those kids in high school who would always sit in the front row, answer every question, ask 7 part questions 2 minutes before the bell rang and basically made classes you were in with them a living hell? Everyone experienced this type of classmate in one way or another, or maybe you were one. In which case I hope you realized no one thought you were smarter than everyone else and the teachers made fun of you once you left the room. Anyway, didn’t you always want to see them squirm? Or be proved wrong when they knew they were right? Well now is your chance to re-live those desires by tuning in to My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss on FOX.
Channel Surfing
Written by sdettorre
Over the course of history there have been some great lineups in all walks of life. The first Triumvirate (Caesar, Pompey and Crassus), The 1927 New York Yankees (Murderer’s Row), The Godfather cast (Brando, Pacino, Caan, Duvall, Vigoda) and the Victoria’s Secret Angels (Tyra Banks, Heidi Klum and Gisele Bundchen). But there is a little known lineup that is almost as good as the aforementioned and much, much funnier.
Joey
Posted by sdettorre
Spin-offs are nothing new to television this season. Some of the greats include Frazier from Cheers, The Jeffersons from All in the Family, and Empty Nest from The Golden Girls. Some haven’t been so good. So I guess as TV viewers we have take the good, take the bad, take them both and there we have, The Facts of Life.
This year’s spin-off du jour is Joey, the offshoot of the enormously successful NBC staple Friends. Joey stars Matt LeBlanc as his Friends character Joey Tribiani. The good people at NBC decided Joey was the best choice of the six Friends to fill the vaunted 8:00 Thursday time slot. I think the NBC brass made a good decision in choosing the Joey character to continue their Thursday dominance.
Chandler and Monica as spin-offs would have been a horrible idea for a show. First of all it would have been called The Bings, or something like that. Chandler was funny when others set him up with one-liners and Monica’s OCD worked as a side issue but when you have a guy who needs someone funny around him to be funny and an woman so anal retentive she makes Jack Nicholson’s Melvin Udall look like Pigpen you have the recipe for how to kill two careers, or what’s left of them, with one stone.
Like Monica and Chandler, a show focusing on Phoebe would be like watching a half hour of Miss Cleo-type antics. Rachel, while undoubtedly one of the all-time babes of television, doesn’t have the character depth to carry a show. Plus I assume Ross would have a prominent role in the show, in which case I might stop watching TV altogether. Has there ever been a whinier, more pathetic, invertebrate of a character on TV? I seriously think the Gooch could have beaten him up.
So if the five aforementioned Friends couldn’t carry a show, why can Joey? I’m glad you asked; let me break down for you why Joey is a pretty funny show and how he is the only one who could have pulled it off.
He’s Single
Every other character is either married or was married got divorced and are now the same person again. With a single character you have more story opportunities to explore. If Jerry had the same girlfriend or was married imagine how many women wouldn’t have had the opportunity to be the TV equivalent of a Bond Girl. Joey can carry that torch. Also, watching a single guy have anonymous sex with hot women and bad dates with lunatics is more entertaining than watching a married couple make baby faces at their kids.
He’s Stupid
Most of Joey’s antics are pretty funny because he lacks a certain, how do you say, intelligence. It’s much funnier to watch dumb people on television than smart people. Some of the all-time great characters were not playing with a full deck. Roles such as Al Bundy, Woody Boyd, and Homer Simpson were by no means academia. Would Married With Children been nearly as good if Al Bundy was a lawyer? Or would The Simpsons still be on the air if Homer were running the nuclear power plant instead of aiding its malfunction? These are reasons why no one would watch The Bings.
Supporting Cast
The supporting characters on Joey compliment Joey. His sister, played by the artist formerly known as Adriana, talks like him and has the same Italian mannerisms. The role of Gina probably wasn’t a big stretch for Drea de Matteo. On the Sopranos she played a struggling nightclub owner who was loyal to her heroin addict fiancée who would kill for his Uncle Tony. On Joey she plays a struggling hairdresser who is loyal to her actor brother who would take a bullet for his meatball sandwich.
The other supporting character is Joey nephew and Gina’s son Michael, played by Paulo Costanzo. For those of you wondering where you saw him before, he played Reuben in Road Trip. Yes that movie is at least four years old and there’s a good chance he’s playing a younger character now. He’s also only five years younger in real life than his TV mom. Then again, I’ve often wondered how Andrea Zuckerman had a child on 90210 when in real life she had already gone through menopause, but that’s a different discussion. Michael is a naïve kid who is having his eyes opened by his cool Uncle Joey. This provides the show with a good sidekick for Joey but not one who will be a Kobe to his Shaq.
Matt LeBlanc is not going to become the next Harrison Ford or Robert DeNeiro. He’s found a funny character and gets paid more than a few nations’ GNP to do it. Look at Kelsey Grammar. He was Dr. Frazier Crane for twenty years but still managed to avoid type-casting by lending his voice to Sideshow Bob and making such cinema classics as Down Periscope. But he has enough money to go on benders, crash sports cars, marry well out of his league and live happily ever after. That’s the American Dream isn’t it?
CommentLaguna Beach
Written by sdettorre
I don’t know why it took so long for TV executives to build off the successes of Beverly Hills 90210, The OC, and Dawson’s Creek and finally make a reality show featuring teen-agers. MTV has seen the light and created Laguna Beach.
The Apprentice
Posted by sdettorre
For about five years now reality television has slowly pushed sitcoms to the back burner. NBC used to rely on such A-List shows as The Cosby Show, Cheers, and the greatest show of all-time, Seinfeld. But then Mark Burnett created a little program for CBS called Survivor and the rest is history.
About a year ago the network of Dr. Cliff Huxtable, Sam Malone and Jerry Seinfeld saw dipping ratings, fourteen law and order versions and Joe Rogan as star of its headline Monday show and realized something drastic needed to be done. So in January of last year The Apprentice was aired.
Minute for minute The Apprentice is the best reality show on TV. It appeals to a much bigger cross-section of viewers than any other one. Survivor doesn’t appeal to people who don’t like to camp or enjoy a nice rat flambé. American Idol turns away viewers who would rather watch paint dry than see strangers sing. On a side note: does it bother anyone else when people on TV sing for reasons that have no relation to the show? I remember on Boston Public three teachers decided to sit around and sing after class. Situations like that are how I honed my mute button skills. That and anything featuring Jack Black.
People can relate to The Apprentice. Everyone knows who Donald Trump is and everyone has a job, or is looking for one. The idea of working for Donald Trump is the business world equivalent of playing centerfield for the New York Yankees or quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys.
The Donald has two henchmen, Carolyn and George, at his side at all times. You could say they are his Condi and Karl. Who wouldn’t like to have two brown-nosers agreeing with everything you do. I know I would. For example, the morning after having a few too many and making some decisions you were unsure about, wouldn’t you like two trusted associates to have this following exchange: #1, “You had to have those 11 Miller Lites and hook up with that girl.” #2, “Absolutely, you had no choice. Only a Communist would have done otherwise.” The interaction of Trump, Carolyn and George coupled with Donald’s enormous ego (“The subway tokens in New York City are the finest subway tokens in the entire world”) make this show worth watching.
On to the characters. This year’s cast isn’t as good as last season’s. Early on last season it was pretty obvious who would be left vying for Donald’s approval. Kwame, Bill and Amy all showed great leadership, business savvy and intuitiveness that surprised no one when they were among the finalists. This time around, there are no confrontational personalities and everyone seems to get along aside from petty bickering. Where’s the villainous back-stabber like Omarosa? Or the budding romance like between Nick and Amy. This is too bad because Sandy and Jennifer (the blonde one, not the bigot) are pretty high up there on the corporate hottie level. And even though Maria looks like she could cut her hair with a flobie, she’s a good looking woman.
There are too many whiners (Rob, little Stacey, Elizabeth) and not enough people who take accountability for their actions. The Donald has done a nice job in the firing so far. Most of the people that needed to go are gone, except for Pamela. While she had the personality of sheet rock, she rallied the struggling women’s team to within $11 dollars of winning the QVC task. The women didn’t listen to her because she was tough and didn’t take them by the hand. Well life isn’t always puppy dogs and ice cream and every now and again someone needs to be the bear with big claws.
Raj was as good as gone from day one. He wears bow-ties and has a walking stick. He looks more like Moonlight Graham from Field of Dreams than the next apprentice. But he also created more problems than solutions that lead to his team’s losses. For instance, he kept interrupting the designer when she was on a deadline with mundane and child-like questions. You just know he was one of those kids who kept asking “Why” to every answer the teacher gave. He deserves an atomic wedgie now, let alone 20 years ago in elementary school.
With about half the original cast gone it’s time to start hedging thoughts on who might be the next Bill Rancic. If you listen to certain media outlets, the final two are already known due to an increase in on-line gambling. I won’t mention the names but one of them seems extremely likely.
I like Kevin’s chances as an under the radar guy. He’s intelligent, quick on his feet and doesn’t rub people the wrong way. Sandy, like Kevin, has the under the radar thing going for her. And as mentioned before, she is easy on the eyes and this is Donald Trump we’re talking about. I’m guessing he keeps her around at least for a little while longer to spice up the boardrooms.
Ivana is the only one left who has no chance to win. She has a name that when Trump hears his ears probably start bleeding. Besides from that, she is worthless as a team member and brings nothing to the table except for baggage and drama. Wait, that’s unfair. She knows how to use Excel.
NBC had a choice to make. Either live off the fumes of old drawn-out sitcoms like Frazier and Friends or try their luck at reality TV. They took the strangers aspect from The Real World and Survivor and added the desire for money and fame from American Idol and Joe Millionaire and came up with The Apprentice. Donald Trump makes the show and as long as he is involved the theme song will prove prophetic by NBC seeing nothing but “Money, money, money, money, money …. that lean, mean, mean green
CommentDesperate Housewives
Written by sdettorre
After years of producing nothing but mediocre TGIF sitcoms, what seemed like 15 Bachelors/Bachelorettes, and a handful of Dennis Leary vehicles, ABC decided to spice up Sunday nights this season with the airing of Desperate Housewives. The title alone made me want to watch, and based on its early success you did too.
The OC
Written by sdettorre
Some people like traveling, others like exercising, but I like to watch television. Some people are born with the ability to throw a 95 mph fastball, others can run a sub- five minute mile. My gift is the ability to watch just about anything on television for any amount of time. For these reasons I feel I have an innate ability to critique any network’s fall lineup. Some may disagree with me on the quality of a show. But do those people have 27 years of 5 hours a day television experience? Did their parents get a phone call from their 1st grade teacher wondering why their son knew the theme music to the Tonight Show?